It’s been a hectic few weeks for British politics (yawn), and many have noted the swift rise of UKIP, spearheaded by Nigel Farage. Unsurprisingly, much of this local election coverage has led to members of the public sharing their own opinions on what they think can make this country great again (we were great once, my granddad told me that). So, just for fun, I’m going to list a few things I’d love to see in this country.
PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS NOT SERIOUS. I DO NOT ASPIRE TO EVER BE INVOLVED IN POLITICS, IT WOULD BE A DISASTER FOR US ALL. THIS IS JUST FOR FUN.
1) Cheaper school dinners/Pricier prison scraps; the cost of keeping an inmate in prison for one year in the UK is £40,000, after the estimated £65,000 that it costs to put them in there in the first place. That’s a lot of dough by anyone’s book (is that a saying from an advert? I recognise it). During their time in prison, inmates can expect to pay tax, but not pay for their meals. I’d suggest assessing each inmates financial background prior to their incarceration, and then (if they have the required funds) tax them annually for their daily meals. Along with this, I’d lower the price of school dinners across the board. As Jamie Oliver would gladly tell you (prick), too many kids in this country flee their school at lunchtime and head to the local chippy simply because it’s cheaper for them. Make school dinners more affordable, and stop feeding rapists and murderers for next to nothing.
2) More protection from the inside, not the outside; just over a week ago, several men from Birmingham were arrested for plotting a major act of terrorism, the kind of which could have killed hundeds of people. They were only arrested however because of the brilliant efforts of the anti-terrorism authorities we now have on our shores. I’d love to see more investment in this kind of national protection, as opposed to building warships.
3) Ban ‘Keep Calm…’; if anybody is seen wearing a t-shirt that brands the words ‘Keep Calm And etc etc’, they should be deported. Or beaten with a sock full of pennies (old school).
4) Bin your butt; if you’re a smoker, STOP THROWING YOUR CIGARETTE BUTTS ON THE FLOOR. You’re making the whole damn place look untidy.
5) Less compulsory courses, more choices; once you reach college in this country, you are faced with picking whatever subjects you want to learn, following on from the couple you got to choose for your final years at secondary school. I’d extend this right to the bottom, and have parents pick choices in Primary School. Keep the core subjects (English, Science, Maths, Physical Education, History…), but allow for parents to decide whether they want their child to be taught Religious Studies. That is the only subject I would offer as a choice. If you don’t want your child to be taught about religion, then during that class your child may go outside and play with their imaginary friend, much in the same way your religious studies teacher is doing.
6) Social networking age restrictions; this is my final one, and it’s going to probably make me sound like a real bore, but I personally think social networking should be restricted to those that are 16 or over. Not just because I think it would encourage kids to go out and pursue a hobby, but also because it was only a month or so ago that I was seeing porn videos flashing up on my Facebook feed every two minutes, and I know i wouldn’t want my kid to see that (I don’t have a kid. I’m almost certain of it). Also it would stop Justin Bieber from constantly trending on Twitter, the cock.
That’s it, that’s all I got. Like I stressed at the beginning, please don’t nit-pick this piece and think I’ve actually done even an ounce of research. It was just for fun. So my question to leave this blog is simple; if you were the Prime Minister, what would you introduce? Ridiculous answers are encouraged.